By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
“Emotion looks the same whether you’re a suburban housewife or a suicide bomber. The truth is written on our faces.” – Cal Lightman, “Lie To Me”
Men: aren’t they a handful?
If you’re not stressing out over their will-he-or-won’t-he-commit antics, they’re giving you mixed signs about how they feel.
It can be frustrating trying to decode what a man says because unlike women, he’s not as emotionally expressive. So, he may be feeling one way, but his words suggest otherwise.
But it’s not that he’s trying to mislead you on purpose. The problem is that most guys grew up not learning how to communicate their feelings.
So that leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings and unspoken sentiments.
Sometimes, even he doesn’t know what he’s feeling at the moment and has a hard time sorting them out.
That makes it even more challenging for a guy to give you the real deal about where you stand with him.
On top of that, your guy might be particularly shy or terrified at the thought of getting turned down (something common among men).
Missed signs, Missed opportunities
With so much getting in the way, it’s easy for you to misread his signs and take it for romantic interest – which of course, will put a huge, AWKWARD wedge between you two.
Or maybe the signs were flashing right in front of you, but went over your head.
And when you finally realized it after the fact, it was too late and the proverbial ship had already sailed.
If either of those things have happened to you, don’t fret. Plenty of women have had their dreamboat get away from them on account of this pesky problem.
But there is a way to read your guy like a book so you when he’s giving you the green light…
…or if you should take a detour and move on.
While his words can be ambiguous, his BODY is another story. Everything he does sends a clear message of how he’s REALLY feeling.
Dr. David Givens, Ph.D., author of “Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship”, says that humans give off these non-verbal cues during the courtship phase as a way of “feeling out” a potential mate.
There’s a certain rhythm to it, much like how animals engage in mating rituals.
In other words, it’s in our DNA, and humans have been playing this game for as long as we’ve been on this planet.
And if you want to win big time, the trick is to learn the crucial signs that tell you your guy is, in fact, feeling it.
If you can identify the signals as he gives them off, you’ll know exactly how to plan your next move.
Best of all, these signs are just as legit whether you’ve known him for some time, like a colleague or mutual friend…
…or that hottie who walked into the coffee shop five minutes ago.
With that, let’s get into the 8 Sure-Fire Body Cues He’s Into You:
#1: What do his eyes tell you?
Before anything else, he’s going to scope the scene. So your guy will try and get a feel of things by making eye contact.
If he’s trying to make a visual connection, that’s him reaching out and checking if he can move on to the next step.
He’ll usually start with a tentative glance, connect with you, then look somewhere else.
And when he looks at you again, it’s game on!
Personally, I’m not a fan of the whole check-his-pupils-if-they’re-dilated business. It’s not like you can walk up and start observing him like a lab rat.
Anyway, the important thing is that he’s got that look that says he wants to reach out and touch you – which brings us to the next sign…
#2: He’ll want to get up close and personal
Alright, so his next move is getting in your space, but in a friendly and non-threatening way.
Maybe you’re telling him something during a conversation and he’ll get in closer to hear you better.
But if you’re 100% audible within earshot and he STILL gets in to listen, that’s different.
That’s him instinctively trying to get into your comfort zone in a casual manner. It’s all very subtle and chances are he’s not even aware he’s doing it.
But all the same, humans use physical proximity as a yardstick of emotional closeness. And a guy going the distance is probably on the path to being more than friends with you.
This could be a man who checked you out at the bookstore or grocery aisle and made some chit-chat – or a long-time friend trying to escalate things further.
It doesn’t matter. Speaking of escalation, let’s move on…
#3: He’ll turn things up
Ok, let me back up a bit first. Most men grew up not really having the benefit of physical affection as much as women do.
While women are usually more keen to express themselves through touch – and getting that in return – guys aren’t in the same position.
That’s just how it is and there’s nothing wrong with that. It does, however, put your man in a position where he’s, in a way, “starved” for this kind of attention.
That’s why when he’s in the presence of someone he digs, he’ll naturally gravitate towards her.
More importantly, if your guy feels THAT way for you, he’ll try to make contact in “small” ways.
It’s going to be low-key, like brushing against your elbow…
…tapping your shoulder to get your attention…
…a playful jab when you’re joking around…
…or squeezing your forearm ever so lightly for a microsecond when he’s making a point in a conversation.
Also, your smooth operator is going to gauge how you react. So if you’re feeling it too, help him out by responding favorably.
He knows he’s treading on unfamiliar ground, which is why your man is dying to get a sign of hope from you – just saying…
#4: He’s got a different vibe around you
Do you sense your guy’s a bit on edge, or isn’t at ease as he is with other people (e.g. his buddies, co-workers, etc.)?
Or maybe he’s acting a bit awkward, stammers a little and his voice has a nervous pitch to it…
If your man’s like this with you, and NOT with anyone else, then he sees you differently from them – and that’s a GOOD thing.
He’s feeling a special kind of pressure that only comes with someone he’s in love with.
You might not realize that while he’s talking to you, he’s racking his brains trying to think of the perfect response.
So he might end up tripping over himself trying to impress you. In his mind, he wants to be that funny, charming guy he thinks you want him to be.
And you’ll probably notice that he can’t keep his hands still either. He’s either ramming his straw in his drink, chewing his lip, tapping his foot while he’s seated, twirling a pencil between his fingers, or running his hands through his hair.
If you’re noticing any of this, try to put him at ease. Trust me, a little encouragement goes a long way with a guy.
Once he knows he’s still in the game, he’ll eventually overcome that awkwardness and sweep you off your feet.
#5: He’s trying to look his best
Look at the way he’s standing in front of you. If he appeared laid back and relaxed before you showed up, he might suddenly act like there’s an invisible hanger in the back of his shirt.
Aside from that, he’ll be showing off his glorious pecs by sticking his chest out.
He’s unconsciously broadcasting his masculine features in the hopes of getting your attention, not unlike peacocks who flaunt their feathers to attract a mate.
You might even catch him fixing his hair or smoothing out his shirt with his hands if he knows you’re nearby.
I call it the “Drill Sergeant Effect”: when you walk by, he’ll snap at full attention and wouldn’t dream about disappointing you.
#6: Everything else fades into the background
You know how it is in cartoons or movies when the guy’s love interest is talking and he’s practically hypnotized from watching her lips move?
For further comedic effect, it’ll turn dead silent right before cheesy romantic music starts playing.
Meanwhile, the poor guy’s sitting there, mesmerized. He couldn’t find a way out of her eyes even if he had a map!
So what I’m trying to say is that you kind of have the same effect on a guy, and it SHOWS.
He’ll make you feel like you’re the most important person in the room.
Well, that’s because you ARE that important to him, and he’ll be hanging on to every word you say. It’s like nobody else is there because you have his FULL attention.
He’ll nod, laugh and give you a healthy dose of ‘uh-huh’, ‘yeah’, ‘oh’ and ‘wow’ to let you know he’s really listening to you.
#7: He’ll be ‘in sync’ with you
No, he’s not going to try to win you over by singing and dancing like a certain boy band.
(A little 90s reference there… *wink, wink*)
Ok, semi-funny jokes aside (you chuckled a little, admit it), a guy in love will try to match your pace in a couple of crucialways.
First, he’s going to walk alongside you at a slower pace.
Weird, right? But it’s true.
This might be a situation where you ran into each other by chance, or you’re both headed in the same direction for some reason (like running an errand together or something like that).
Whatever it is, he’s likely to adjust his speed, usually by slowing down.
According to a Seattle Pacific University study entitled “Energetic Consequences of Human Sociality: Walking Speed Choices among Friendly Dyads”, men have generally evolved to either speed up or slow down for their partner so she doesn’t have to waste any precious energy.
So what that all means is that he’s doing this for your benefit, and it’s a privilege reserved only for YOU.
And here’s another interesting tidbit about sexual attraction: he’s going to try and match YOUR body language as well.
He’ll be doing what you do, like leaning forward when you’re sitting across each other, or have his hands on his hips like you while standing up.
It could even extend into verbal territory, like trying to TALK like you.
For instance, he’ll start using your favorite expressions – that’s him subconsciously expressing his desire to establish rapport with you.
That way, you’ll feel more comfortable around him.
And finally, the last big thing to look out for…
Nothing like a vague sign to end things on an anticlimactic note, am I right?
(Just kidding…last one, I promise!)
Yeah, so you’ll notice that he’ll avoid any gestures that might suggest that he’s closed off to you in any shape or form.
He’s not going to blow his chances by sending any message along the lines of “go away!”
His arms won’t be crossed and he’ll sit back in his chair to look relaxed (even though his heart’s racing), and his feet are pointed towards you.
Oh, and he’ll probably have a big old smile plastered on his gorgeous mug. And it’s not the polite kind of smile, either.
I’m talking about the holy-cow-I-can’t-believe-you’re-actually-here-and-I-hope-this-moment-never-ends kind of smile that you can’t miss.
Men have a knack for flashing those pearly whites because they’re a signal they’re truly grateful for sharing the same air as you.
That might sound a little needy or desperate, but believe me, a guy couldn’t care any less about feeling this way about you.
In those precious moments, time seems to freeze and nothing else matters to him except YOU. He’s in awe of you and it’s nothing short of MAGICAL for him.
His body will show it, and that expression on his face will tell you.
If you’re seeing more than half of these signs, then you’ve got a good thing going for you.
But what if you USED to see these signs, and the magic has faded a bit?
He had that warmth about him before, but now things have gotten a little chilly.
Or worse, he might even be showing signs that he’s PULLING AWAY.
Don’t despair though – it’s not the end of the world…or your relationship.
You see, I’ve helped plenty of women figure out exactly why guys leave, and it’s NOT for the reasons you think.
The truth is that you can spot these signs immediately AND keep him from walking out the door.
Better yet, you can make him feel like he’s falling in love with you all over again. Then he’ll give you those body language signals of affection all day, every day.
It all starts by watching this free video I just put up: